Stand Firm

"I know I shall see in His beauty, the King in whose law I delight, Who lovingly guards every footstep, and gives me a song in the night..."

The last two weeks or so have been a series of challenges for me. Not so much circumstances, as just a battle of thoughts. Like a plane charging down the runway, but unable to get enough lift to take off, I would go through each day mostly down with little bursts of flight/joy. It was baffling.

Last week, I went on a trip to Gatlinburg, TN. The trip was work related, and it was a good trip, but one with a lot of personal lessons. On the flight out, I was extremely anxious. Now, this is not normal for me... I LOVE to travel, and I really do enjoy flying, so for me to be anxious or nervous is out of character. Regardless, there I was, finding every possible reason to be stressed out of my mind. What if my carry-on doesn't fit? What if I don't have a seat? What if they won't let me bring my bag on the next plane? What if I get to Knoxville and don't have a rental car? Etc. The bag was stressing me out because since I was traveling for work, I had work property in the bag, and it is supposed to stay with me at all times. I was flying on small puddle-jumpers, and my bag was large for the overhead space available.

I was seated on the very last row of the plane, and my chest was tight, and I was fighting tears. The only personal items I brought on the plane with me was my journal, a pen, and my ipod. I could either read what God has done for me in the past, pray with my pen on the pages of my journal, or listen to His truth via music. Pretty good options if you ask me. Gently, the Lord began to calm me down and remind me of His faithfulness. My journal is one of those with Scripture verses printed in the margins, and I was so thirsty for the Word, I turned page after page desperate for each verse. It took a deliberate choice to TRUST HIM. Not just with the anxieties of the moment, but with the cumulative build of frustrations, insecurities, and spastic emotions. He IS faithful! I know that to the core of my soul, even when my emotions don't reflect it. He proves Himself ever faithful!

I made it to my destination safely; the bag stayed with me, not only was there a rental car, but it was the same make and model of my own car so I was comfortable driving it! I took a route through the mountains to get to Gatlinburg. It was so beautiful and refreshing to drive on the curving, tree-walled roads, next to and over streams... Beautiful! I am used to driving straight and flat over the plains of Oklahoma, so the trees and mountains of Tennessee were a real delight!

The conference went really well, and I was so blessed by my siblings in the Body of Christ! However, I continued to ping-pong emotionally all over the place, all the while trying to put on a brave face. Those of you who know me personally, know that I could never play poker because typically whatever is in my mind/on my heart is also painted right across my face. I find it extremely frustrating, but it is probably for my own good. Anyway, I began to recognize these emotional volleys as a spiritual attack. Then came some thoughts/struggles from way out in left field (or wherever the blindside tackles come from). Stuff I had dealt with in the past (the operative word being dealt with, as in, no longer an issue in my life), was suddenly back in full force trying to trip me up. The thing is, there were no external triggers, no situation that would bring these issues up... it was all a mental battle. I knew exactly where this attack was coming from, and I had a good idea why. You see, recently the Lord has been teaching and growing me a lot, and our enemy does not like that. So I guess like in the case of Job, Satan got some permission to test me this week, and he did. But our God is SO FAITHFUL! By His grace, I did not fall!

Let me clarify; just because I recognized this as a spiritual attack, and knew its source, did not mean it was an easy fight. I was truly in a battle. I don't know how many times the words "stand firm" are in my journal for this week. Standing firm on the Truth is not a passive pose. You are actively standing against the current. Your muscles work and strain to keep your body upright as the force of the flowing flood crashes against you, trying with all its strength to topple you. Exhausting. But Oh, SO WORTH IT!

God is faithful to put people strategically in my life to hold me up like Aaron and Hur held up Moses in the battle (Ex. 17:12). In the midst of my battle, God placed 3 friends in my path to remind me of His presence. My friend "S.L" saw right through my non-existent poker face and prayed for me. Her hugs were a source of strength. My friend "A.M." "randomly" texted me encouragement and prayers. My friend "A.S." was there with joy and hugs, and though she may not have known it, her words and her friendship replenished my resolve and soothed over my prickly insecurities.

One of the dinner speakers at the conference made the following statement: "If the mountain is too smooth, you cannot get to the top." This is so true! When rock climbing, the smooth cliff surfaces are the hardest to scale. The best climbs are the ones with jagged edges. These jagged forms of rock give you more to grip. On our way to the "mountain tops" in life, we must cling to, and find our grip on the solid Rock. He is our foundation.

"A wonderful Saviour is Jesus my Lord, a wonderful Saviour is He. He hideth my soul in the cleft of the Rock, and covers me there with His hand..."

Now if you will bear with me and my long-windedness, I'll tell you about the mountain top.

It was the last day of the conference and I was heading home. It was early afternoon and I was finally feeling "normal" again. I stopped and had lunch, and then set my GPS on my phone to go back through the beautiful mountains to the airport. I'm driving along, and all of a sudden, my GPS alerts me that it is "re-routing." I could not figure out why it was doing this. I had picked the route I wanted, and had not deviated from that route. It just re-routed me randomly, though it kept me on the same road. I at first thought it was just a glitch, and it didn't really re-route me. After a while, I realized I was headed not to the mountains, but to I-40. I was bummed. I did not want to take the highway, I wanted mountain roads. I started to get angry, and then reminded myself that it would not do any good. All I could do was keep driving. Then it started to rain. Then I realized the time. I didn't know if I would make it to the airport on time. I started to stress. Then ever so sweetly, the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness. I cranked up my music and kept driving. Releasing my stress to the Lord. He is in control. Then, my phone died. The phone that had my GPS, on which I was dependant to get to the airport. It "just so happened" that the rental car came with an on-board GPS system that the rental clerk told me up front that I could use free of charge. I turned it on, and the last saved destination "just happened" to be the very airport to which I was headed. How good is God?! Then I remembered that even though the I-40 route was a longer distance, it was a shorter time to the airport. I think God must have "re-routed" my GPS, because I got to the airport just in time. Even with a little snag in the check-in process, and being stopped in security and questioned about the work property I was carrying, I still made my flight (just in time) and there "just happened" to be enough space for my bag. Hopefully, by now you have caught on that these things didn't "just happen," but I believe that God planned each one to demonstrate to me on a tangible level that He cares and pays attention to my life and my individual needs. On both flights home, I was about to burst with excitement at what the Lord had done for me, and He continued to teach me new and glorious things. Just fellowship one-on-one with Him. It was SO GOOD!

"Redeemed, and so happy in Jesus, no language my rapture can tell, I know that the light of His presence with me shall continually dwell..."

There is so much more I would like to share, but by now, if you have stuck with me on this post you are a trooper. I do thank you for reading, but my prayer is that in my incessant prattling, something might cause you to think on the Lord and what He has done for you.

Are you in a battle? STAND FIRM He is faithful!

Are you doubting? Remember His truth encircles you (Eph 6:14) {the belt of the armor is Truth}

Are you soaring? Thank Him!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I KNOW He holds the future

And life is worth the living, just because HE LIVES